Post by judyb on Oct 3, 2004 17:35:16 GMT -5
As I look back upon 8 1/2 months of smobriety, I am occasionally reminded of my emotions
and mindset at the beginning of my Quit. I read with great interest and compassion of the
struggles being borne by the recently Quit and the wannabe Quitters. Each time, my mind is
filled with images of painful beginnings, but perhaps the most persistent is the image that of
being on a high diving board.
I remember a moment when, at the age of fifteen, I stood on a precipice some 40 feet above
the surface of a pool. Several friends and I had (without permission) climbed the diving tower of
a local pool and had dared each other to go to the top and jump in. I have rarely in my life
experienced such trepidations and downright terror as in that ten second eternity spent staring
at the surface of the water from that altitude.
The water was miles below me, the surface of the pool was no larger than a soup bowl, the
water appeared only inches deep and the air that filled the void between myself and the water
was surely preparing to blow me off the tower and dash me onto the concrete walk surrounding
the pool.
As I relive that moment, I can even today feel the inexorable claw of terror that gripped my
emotions and my gut. I can still hear the screams that exploded in my brain demanding that I
retreat down the ladder to the safety of the ground.
And even today, as I embrace that fear and that terror, I can hear the phrase that arose quietly
and unbidden into my consciousness. "There's nothing to it but to do it."
At that instant, even in my fear, I knew that the only thing I needed to do to get to the water was
to step off the platform. I had to trust that gravitiy would take me straight down, that I would hit
the water and not the concrete, that the water was indeed over 12 feet deep, that a young,
healthy and (at the time) very athletic body could easily suvive such a performance. The first
step was incredibly easy. (The fall to the water was even easier... albeit unavoidable.) It was
only the fear of that first step that was so difficult to overcome.
So it was when I finally Quit smoking. Years of "wanting" to quit and praying to quit and failed
attempts at Quitting were to a great extent manifestations of my fear of Quitting, my fear of the
unknown, my fear of what life would be like without my friend, my buddy, my crutch, my
helpmate, my emotional relief valve, my do-all, be-all companion ... the cigaret. It was fear that
kept me from Quitting. It was fear that killed my atempts to Quit and brought me back to the
evil embrace of nicotine. More than anything else it was fear that kept me from smobriety.
A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but one. In this case, cowardice can lead to
addiction, disease and even an early death. Face your fear. The first step is easy.
You CAN do it.
There's nothing to it but to do it!
just4u - vince - 9/99