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Post by jpkwitter on May 20, 2004 8:23:45 GMT -5
where you are all going for support now that you don't come here too often and the other board is closed? clinging by a thread today but expected that day would arrive so going back to bed where there are no stores and no decisions to make and no senseless arguing with myself and no emptiness and no stress. jp
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Post by judyb on May 20, 2004 8:56:44 GMT -5
Hopefully there'll be answers to your question, jp. I've got some links on my quitsmoking page to other places (http://www.angelfire.com/la3/judyb/quitsmoke.html) In the meantime here's some great advice from "albie" a quitter from the old just4u board: Um, so you made a deal, huh? Wow. Well, I have another deal to suggest to you: Make a deal with yourself to learn to enjoy your own company, your own life, minute by minute, without the smokes. Make a deal to be strong enough to get to know yourself without the veil of smoke obscuring your view. Make a deal with yourself to rededicate your life to a life of fullfillment and enjoyment, rather than a life of self-avoidance and addiction. I made those deals. I decided that my life is a pretty interesting and precious thing, and that I hadn't really properly gotten to know myself and all the things I may--or may not--enjoy doing. I knew I liked to smoke, and as long as I had that, I was, at least twenty or so times a day, content. to enjoy your own company, your own life, minute by minute, without the smokes. Make a deal to be strong enough to get to know yourself without the veil of smoke obscuring your view. Make a deal with yourself to rededicate your life to a life of fullfillment and enjoyment, rather than a life of self-avoidance and addiction. But really, I wasn't. I was fooling myself by creating a way to find a kind of contentment by creating a false need--cigarettes. I think at some point I became afraid to pursue true happiness and enjoyment--maybe out of fear of disappointment, who knows--and I knew I could at least have the small(but guaranteed) happiness of a smoke. Little did I know how empty that "happiness" was. Well, maybe I knew, but I ignored the knowing. Then one day last July I was playing a video game, and lighting my fifteenth or so smoke of the day, when I realized that I was enjoying the smoke way more than the video game. As I turned it over in my head I realized that when it came down to it, I enjoyed smoking more than just about anything in my life. Sure, I liked my job okay, Loved my friends and family, enjoyed books and movies and stuff, but none of it really compared to that feeling of that first inhalation of a smoke. At these moments, I felt content and--amazingly--fullfilled. When I made that conscious realization, I was a little scandalized, and fairly disappointed in myself. I know I had my reasons for smoking, and I don't blame myself, tobacco companies, anyone. It's done. I did what I wanted to do, and I can't deny it. But I decided, right then and there, that day on my couch, as I snuffed that cigarette midsmoke, that I WOULD deny myself THAT pleasure, from then on. I knew I would never really relish properly all the other worthy experiences and pleasures life has to offer if everything else came second to the addiction. I also knew that I would never really learn which bits and peices of life were mine to grab, which ones suited my individuality, if I kept hiding myself behind the smoke. In short I needed to "find" myself--cliched as it sounds--and I knew I'd never be able to see well enough through that veil of smoke to find the real me. Now, I'm happy to say, he is revealing himself in big and little ways every day. I'm not burying my feelings any more, I'm not giving into the fakejoy ways of the smoke, I'm finding what I really love, and my life is slowly changing. And very much for the better. I really can't overstate it--smoking robs us of joy. We all need and deserve our own joys in life, and it will not be found in a weed and chemical filled tube of paper. It's just not possible. But quitting is very possible, and you will, I think, be quite surprised at the new ways you experience life. All this isn't to say it won't be hard--sometimes the best lessons are learned through certain types of adversity--but please, while you are thinking about how difficult the change to non-smoker can be at times, remember to focus on the good parts of it. And they are far more impressive than the bad, these good parts. Not the least of which is the new found ability to enjoy activities just for what they are, and to enjoy your own company throughout, without giving into the demands of addiction. Realize as you begin to sense the void forming where the smoke used to go, that the space is actually being filled up with you--your unique spirit, your wonderful individuality (which has been hidden or somewhat surpressed for a good while)--and realize that self is a blessing to you, and the rest of the world, too.
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Post by slim on May 20, 2004 12:26:20 GMT -5
((JP)) I am sorry that you are having a bad day. At the same time, getting thru this hurdle makes you stronger! Each battle won gets you down the path abit farther, each positive experience is put into the brain to offset more and more of the addiciton part of the brain and it is most definately one day at a time! You are early in your quit and need to refocus and get thru this. Just past 3 weeks is a tester...the beast knows your serious now and wants you back....Just say NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! the huge cravings and such do die down and you can get thru.
here is what Bubb has to say on this matter:
The beast won’t leave me alone..
Of course he won’t. He’s a liar, a cheat, a swindler, a sneak and a few other not so pleasant adjectives.
Without enumerating all the positive things quitting smoking provides, it’s apparent to most of us that quitting smoking entails more than just understanding the health benefits of being smokeless. I mean, telling someone his or her fingers will become stained from nicotine will not be sufficient reason to give up the habit. Even suggesting that quitting smoking may save a life is not going to cause too many folks to put out the cigarette.
How do you convince anyone to quit smoking? How do you convince yourself to quit? I don’t think convincing is an appropriate term. I don’t think it fits the situation. The decision to quit smoking must originate from within. It’s a sense, it’s a feeling, it’s an ache emanating from the deepest part of your soul. Somewhere in each of us is the wherewithal to quit, or at least make an attempt to quit. Smoking cessation aids, books, videos, literature, support groups all help in the process, but if the ‘gut’ desire to quit is even remotely absent, a quit attempt will in all probability fail.
What is it that causes so many quits to fail? Addiction? Habit? Boredom? Lack of self-confidence? All the above? Addiction and habit are certainly difficult forces to overcome, but not insurmountable. Each of us has a sense that if I can quit, then anyone can quit. The reason for that notion is because each of us feels as though our addiction was more strongly entrenched than anyone else’s. How many of us feel we were more addicted than the other guy? How many of us have said…’if I can quit, anyone can quit’. Nobody was more addicted than I was. Well, all of us can’t be full of $hit.
The beast is relentless...he won’t quit chasing you, he won’t give up trying to capture you, he won’t cease to try to convince you that smoking is an okay thing to do. He will always follow you, he’ll be a never tiring predator, a permanent shadow to us all. That all sounds pretty scary and something some of us refuse to consider but the truth is, staying off cigarettes will be a fight until the death. We can't forget the term and definition of addict. The good news is however, the fight becomes easier as time marches on. Days and weeks, months may pass without even giving smoking a thought. But to discount the beast’s presence or to acknowledge that he is still a force to reckon with is a huge mistake. Our vigil must continue on. Our guard against the beast must remain alert. It would be much easier if we could just forget about the entire smoking experience and get on with our lives but unfortunately that’s not possible. The beast will always be an enemy. But that’s okay, we can remain strong. Just as the craves do not inflict pain, staying strong against the beast doesn’t hurt either. Actually, saying no to the beast only makes us stronger and more determined.
But how do I rid myself of these urges to smoke and how do I get through the cravings? That is certainly the million-dollar question. There are many many suggestions and each of us has our own methodology. For example, I’ll get out of a chair and take a walk (even if it’s from one end of the house to the other). I’ll drink a glass of water. I’ll take a ride on my bike. I’ll stay right where I am and remind myself of how far I’ve come without smoking, and recall how desperate I’d become if I succumbed to the beast yet one more time. When the beast knocks, each of us must pass through this moment of anticipation. You can't jump over it, you can't walk around it. You must face it. You must remain steadfast until the craving dissipates. It’s important to understand that cravings don’t hurt. They don’t bleed. No one ever died from a nicotine fit. We must rationalize the situation. In the final analysis, there is no substitute for determination and resolve.
When you find yourself in the middle of a war with the beast, get up and move around. If you’re already moving, sit down and ‘outthink’ the beast. Remind him and yourself you do not smoke and smoking is not an option. If you find yourself heading towards a pack of cigarettes, stop for a moment. Evaluate the pluses and minuses of what you’re doing. Take the time to reconsider. If you choose to go ahead and light up, you’ve made a conscious decision to remain a smoker. If you decide against taking that stink-weed into your mouth, CONGRATULATIONS. Bubb 10/01
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Post by jpkwitter on May 20, 2004 14:36:01 GMT -5
thankyou Judyb, Slim, Albie and Bubb in absentia ...thankyou for the assistance. I have made a conscious decision to simply go insane... however I will do so without smoking... I was probably just postponing the inevitable all those years I smoked anyway... I am bothered today not only while awake but even more disturbing in my dreams...I have been chased and hunted down and there seems no avenue of escape..it is not craving..it is an emptiness..a great and sad void..that is what it is...it pulsates inside me and it has life of its own..but...it is not my friend...no, it is not my friend.. to this extreme I let smoking take over my life...to a place in my thinking where nothing could be done without that constant "companion"...every move I made was done smoking unless I was asleep (and this is up for debate as I smoked a lot of dream smokes) or in the shower... and now it is gone...and a huge empty void remains... and it is not a peaceful void...it is not a quiet void...it is very very loud...so loud I have a hard time hearing my own voice above the din at times... I have quite a job ahead of me to fill in all those spaces and quieten the void...but do it I will...sane or insane...I don't care which...I will never smoke again...as one can tell by my mindset today...the cost is too high...the damage too great. Thankyou for showing up JP
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Post by Ann on May 20, 2004 19:16:38 GMT -5
((((((((((JP))))))))))
You are right there is a void in your life but it's not a bad void you can make it into what ever you want. Take your time and think of something new to tackle or create. On the old board some one estimated the amount of time it took to smoke one cigarette about 5-7 min. (I think???) times 20 in a pack times how many packs a day you smoked. Add all that time up and do something with it, something special for yourself.
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Post by Dot on May 21, 2004 7:41:44 GMT -5
((((((jp))))))))))
That void is difficult to fill, jp. I'm sure that (for me anyway) it will always be there, either to live with or fall into. I've been around to experience just about everything life can throw at a person, and every experience changes us for better or worse. This "black hole" sits right next to the "black hole" of living without loved ones who died. The void is always there, but sooner or later we learn to live around it. This all sounds so trite, huh? But like a death, there's not much we can do except go on living until one day you just realize life didn't end when you put down that last cigarette.
Some days I can sit by this computer until the craving passes, just playing mindless games. Other days, or nights, a walk or a run does the trick. And some days, about all you can do is hide in a corner. You'll feel normal again one of these days....just maybe a different (or better?) normal.
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Post by Graciedonovan on May 21, 2004 7:59:35 GMT -5
Hi JP. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it, but my gosh, look how long it's been since you've actually smoked a cigarette. Almost a month now. The nicotine is out of your system (unless you're using NRT). Most of the "habit" is gone - the automatic pick up the phone, light a cig; hop in the car, light a cig; etc. It's the mental part you're dealing with right now. Don't let the black hole engulf you. Fill that void with pleasant things, either mental pictures (just think of that black hole as an empty vase and fill it with flowers), or real activities. I took up quilting when I quit, well, when my hands got steady enough that I wouldn't run over my fingers with the sewing machine. In the beginning, cross stitch and needlepoint helped a lot. If we just sit around and think about the void/the black hole, it will eventually consume us, and we'll go back to our old ways. Make something positive out of that hole. It's not going to go away, but you can change it's composition. JMHO. Hang tight JP.
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Post by jpkwitter on May 21, 2004 13:10:01 GMT -5
Ann,Dot, Patti you are all right in a sense. My error has always been to smoke and then everything will right itself. That has never worked. Just postponed it. Avoidance...evasion...running away...hiding out...head in the sand...being afraid...never making mistakes because I never did anything therefore no mistakes could be made could they...lol Not this time. Dot you are so right...life goes on...with or without you...and it doesn't come knocking at your door...you have to meet it head on...it is time....some things a person simply cannot fix no matter how hard they try...time to focus on something that is fixable instead of wasting any more precious time on something that is not...I made it thanks to all of you...I think I will always have this "demon" addiction somewhere in me...I will never really escape its noise...but I will live with it...I will accept it and make friends with it because there is no other way...but I will never again light up...it is just not a choice for me anymore. One day at a time...one baby step at a time.
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Post by batman on May 21, 2004 19:01:54 GMT -5
don't really know if this gets through or not jp but this batman is with you in spirit hang in there. get your head back up in the right position.
batman
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Post by Graciedonovan on May 21, 2004 19:23:00 GMT -5
JP, about your other question, "where do we go", I know this bb is slow right now, so was Southbeach before it shut down - for a long time it was slow. Al didn't look into ways to promote us. He just sort of forgot about us. Ann, Slim, Judy and Don are working very hard to get us "promoted" as it were. Ann is in the process of getting us hooked up with a stop smoking web ring. Judy has submitted us to sites, Don and Slim are working similar avenues. We might be small JP, but we're mighty. Quitnet is good, but waaaay to much activity for me to keep up with. But, busy might be just what you need. If you haven't tried it, here's the link. www.quitnet.comHang in there JP, you really are so positive this time around. It's ok to lurk, but post too. We love your wisdom, and your rambles.
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Post by jpkwitter on May 22, 2004 2:20:15 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D whooowhoo...I lost you during a reformat and did a search and found you within 15 minutes...something is working right!! Thanks to all who are posting the link out there. ;D ;D and nooooope...don't think I will leave here just yet...been around a long time just occurred to me how long...ouch...oh well...Patti...that other board is not my cupotea...nor potocoffee either...hehe...too many people...no doubt this place will liven up eventually. great to see you Batman!! and this gal's head is held high...filled with pride. Catch you soon...got all kinds of programs to load. Take Care JP
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Post by slim on May 22, 2004 8:46:49 GMT -5
New day New attitude!!! That was my experience and coming here to post and read and pass time was a big part of staying quit and getting my head out of the smoke ring! Hang tough JP you are going places!!! As for searching and finding....please elaborate? inquiring minds would like to know how you found us? again. consider all details worthy Keep the quit
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Post by jpkwitter on May 22, 2004 12:41:30 GMT -5
well...if I didn't remember the name smokebusters I would never have found this place...and it was on page 4 of google search for smokebusters quit smoking support...I tried other searches such as quit smoking support boards but there were thousands... I am on my husbands computer now as mine is broken again might be scarce for a bit...or might not...depends on how quickly it gets fixed or how often I can sneak on here...lol catch ya later JP
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Post by slim on May 22, 2004 14:43:15 GMT -5
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Post by Don on May 22, 2004 19:47:06 GMT -5
I go away for a week (or 2) and.....
I see that this board is still doing it's job! ;D
And, btw, that job is to allow people to rant, vent, beg, express and get help fighting against a rancid addiction.
Not directed at anyone in general... Being an introverted personality, I have a hard time asking for help. Similarly, I don't regularly offer help unless I see a person in need. Call it a character flaw in my makeup, but I would allow someone to commit suicide. I wouldn't stop the jumper. However, I would try to talk the jumper out of it. If a person is intent on killing oneself, they'll find a way eventually. It's called freedom of choice, but with regard to an addiction, how much of it is by choice? The key to all of this is that you do have to power to choose. You have to power within you to stop. I can tell you about the power you have, about the fire in your belly. I can give you the keys to the prison cell, the antidote to the poison. No matter what, tho', it is YOU that must make the move. You, who must sieze control of yourself and take back the freedom you were born with.
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