Letter of woe

[sandyf]

Hi Everyone and Happy New Year! As of Jan.2 I'll be 4mths into my quit. This sounds better than it actually is...I definitely feel better physically as far as not coughing etc. but mentally I am sooooo low. Tonight is the closest I've come to going out and buying some smokes. I seem to have become a different person since I quit and she aint pretty. Overall, I'm more hostile,negative,argumentative,lazy,prone to binge eating and rages etc. I had been taking zyban and stopped because it was making me irritable but I haven't taken any in awhile and I don't feel any better. I went through the series of patches and am still on the low dose 7mg. I tried to go off them but then I was really bad emotionally. I smoked about a pac and a half for 30 years and was a heavily addicted smoker. Although my actual cravings are few (sometimes after dinner) I feel in a state of withdrawal emotionally if you know what I mean. i'm starting to wonder if a, the zyban has screwed up my brain chemistry or b, if the reduction in nicotine has.. My eating is also out of control due to this constant feeling of agitation which is really bumming me out and so very stupid of me because the positive physical effects of quitting are being overrode by the massive weightgain. I am not looking for an excuse to smoke cuz I really don't want to go back there but I need some kind of help before I'm friendless, jobless, childless and divorced. Sorry to burden you all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[johnpic32]

Sandy, Life can be so hard sometimes or even most of the time. Years ago I had quit and became very depressed. The Doc put me on all kinds of things to get out of it. Eventually I did, but I went back to smoking. That was a mistake. Yet, I know some of the pain you are feeling. To sit here and tell you that I have the answers to these mysteries and life's suffering I would only be a liar. But, what I can tell you is that we are all here for you. We are listening and sharing the load, even on New Years Eve, together we will head into the New Year helping each other through life. This is the best we can do for another. As a Christian I am told in the Gospels "to pick up my cross," yet, that cross is never carried alone. I don't know if you are Christian and I do not wish to offend you, but know that I will pray for you so that the wieght you carry will be a little less, especially tonight, Happy New Years and God bless you...John

[sandyf]

Thanks, John. Before reading your reply I was feeling much better and actually guilty for writing such a negative letter. Now I know why-your prayers! I hate the thought of going on drugs( yah right, that's why I smoked for 30 yrs. Hyprocrite your name is Sandy) I'm going to try to eat healthier and get some exercise and go from there....Thanks for the support

[Don]

Quitting and depression go hand in hand.
Add to that any seasonal winter-induced depression (*raises hand*) and the mood is naturally very glum.

Sandy I didn't feel better 'till the 6 month mark.

The only credible advice I can offer is "to stick it out and see it thru". Spring WILL come and stability will arrive.
You have to hang onto hope and keep the course.
Have faith in what you're doing, quitting is a good process and you will be building a new you.

Heck, even if you went back to smoking now, you'd be depressed about every puff. Face it, you made the right choice. You just have to see it thru and life WILL fall into place...eventually.

[ncpops]

And Sandy, don't be afraid to have a visit with a Psych doctor. Private practice or county office, they are confidential & understand what you're going thru. Chemical imbalance can occur from nicotine. Adjustments can be made. It helped me tremendously.

The medication is NOT adictive...but rather a steering mechanism to a healthy mental life.

Whatever your decision, congrats on 4 months. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Jimpops

[Elaine]

hi Sandy--

I started month 4 on 12/30 and I also feel many of the frustrations you described. Here you are never friendless; we can and will make it through together.

[sandyf]

Thanks, I'm really looking forward to the 6 mth. mark. I don't know what it is about the cruel 3rd. month. In other attempts I started smoking again between month 3 and 4. Not this time. I'm playing for keeps! Keep up the good work.

[judyb]

great attitude, Sandy!!!