Post by SueZ on May 25, 2004 7:20:46 GMT -5
Posted by Vince 1/9/99
At the age of 14, my friends and I were smoking regularly
and had developed a a psychological, social and physical
addiction to smoking. Of course, not one of us smoked in our
homes because we did not have our parents' permission to
smoke. We'd smoke at the candy store, on the street corner,
in the park, in the movies, on dates, after school, before
school ... anywhere but at home. When, at age 16, I asked my
father for permission to smoke, he reluctantly agreed to let
me smoke in the house after I graduated from high school.
Up until my high school graduation, smoking at home was not
an option, so I simply didn't do it.
When I taught school, we were not allowed to smoke in the
classroom or in the schoolyard. There was a teachers' lounge
where all of the teachers went to grab a cup of coffee and a
smoke. The principal had (according to the custom of the
era) granted permission for us to smoke in the lounge and
nowhere else.
In the classroom and general school grounds, smoking was not
an option, so I simply didn't do it.
During my career as a financial consultant, I was often
required to meet with clients in their homes or at their
places of business. From the day of my very first client
meeting, I realized that smoking in a client's home or
office might be considered disrespectful, could distract
from my presentation and might offend non-smokers. Many
clients did not allow smoking in their homes or offices.
Smoking was, at best, a nuisance. At worst, smoking was a
potential deal killer. I therefore decided that I would
follow through on the smoking ban that many of my clients
had instituted. I decided that I would not under any
circumstances smoke during a consultation, regardless of the
length of the meeting or whether or not the client smoked.
During a twenty year career, I never once smoked in the
presence of a client.
Before the birth of our first child, out of concern for my
wife and our unborn child, I realized that smoking was not
in their best interest. I therefore decided not to smoke
anywhere around my wife during her pregnancies and also
stopped anyone else from smoking in her presence. I extended
this personal smoking ban to include not smoking while I was
in the proximity of any pregnant woman or small child, even
if the pregnant woman was, herself, smoking.
For the past 28 years, smoking in the presence of pregnant
women or small children has not been an option so I simply
have not done it.
In each case, I responded to the situation by granting
permission to myself to smoke only in certain circumstances.
As a teenager, I decided not to smoke at home out of respect
for my parents.
As a teacher, I decided not to smoke in the classroom out of
respect for the institution.
... and respect for my clients,
... and respect for the health of children.
I granted or withheld permission to smoke in each
circumstance.
And that internal smoking ban made it easier to live by the
rules, whether they were rules of others or rules of my own.
I could sit with a client for 2 or 3 hours and never once
think of having a cigaret. Of course, the very second I
walked out the door, I would light up. Then I might chain
smoke twice as much as usual to "make up for" the cigarets
I'd missed. That was part of the system of permission, too.
Since I had deprived myself, I granted myself permission to
smoke twice as much to "even the score."
This internal permission is different than external
permission. For example, I used to love to smoke on
airplanes. (There was actually a time when you could smoke
anywhere on a commercial airline as long an the "No Smoking"
sign was not lit.) When the airlines decided to allow
smoking only in the back of the plane, I used to enjoy
getting up to walk to the back of the plane, sitting in the
stewardesses' jump seat, hanging around the galley. It was
the smokers' club and I loved it. But, when the airlines
finally caved in to the anti-smoking conspiracy, it was a
dark and dismal day. There was no smoking on the plane, or
in most airports. I did not, would not internalize this
smoking ban. The airline said "NO" but my head still said
"OKAY". I resisted the airlines' rules and therefore spent
many miserable hours on non-smoking flights thinking about
smoking, longing for a cigaret, trying to figure out if I
could sneak a smoke in the lavatory, contemplating going out
for a walk on the wing ... ANYTHING to have a smoke. The
rules were not MINE because I decided not to make them mine.
I gave myself permission to smoke and an outside force kept
me from acting on my permission.
And so, we can give oursleves permission to leave our quit
when we find the right excuse.
Several years ago, I quit smoking for nearly six months.
Cold turkey, no patch, no support group. I decided it was
time to quit, and I did. But one day, my car broke down. I
was facing a big repair bill, no way to get home, rainy day,
feeling angry and miserable and depressed ... you guessed
it. I granted myself permission to buy a pack of Marlboros
from the cigaret machine in the gas station. I had found a
reason (excuse) to grant myself permission to end my quit.
Which brings us to those among us who tell themselves (and
anyone who will listen) that they're "trying to quit, but I
just can't."
Give me a break!!!
I "tried" to quit for years. I tried every gimmick, every
trick. I threw my cigarets away. I posted pictures of my
young kids all over. I visited a cancer ward. I watched the
documentaries. I visited the seminars. I tried the gum and
the patch. I went to the hypnotist and the acupuncturist. I
smoked until it made me sick. I even tried eating a cigaret.
Every time I quit, I'd always wind up back at the smoke shop
buying another pack, another carton. And I would be proud of
myself for trying. I could ease my conscience with the
memory of the momentary effort I had expended. The mind's a
funny thing. I could even convince myself that the
inevitable emphysema (that killed a family friend) or heart
disease (that killed my uncles) or cancer (that killed my
Dad) would respect my attempts to quit and would just leave
me alone.
What horse s..t
............(With apologies to the horses)
In order for a Quit to be successful, it is much easier to
have the "no smoking" rules be internalized rather than
externalized.
The canstant battle (like the cravings on the airplane)
persist because a person tells himself, "even though I'm a
smoker, there are rules saying I'm NOT ALLOWED to smoke."
That puts the power to ban smoking outside yourself.
It becomes easier when the person learns to say,"even though
I was once a smoker and smoking was pleasurable, smoking is
not an option under any circumstance because I do not
smoke."
We "try" and we "fail"....
and we moan and whine that
"I can't beat those nasty old cigarets."
"That old nico-demon is just to strong for me."
" Well, at least I tried."
I guess that about as good an epitaph as any...
Here lies a smoker.
(S)he died a slow, painful, lingering death.
In the end, the pain was so bad that death came as a relief.
This smoker leaves a family and friends who are OOHHH SOOO
PROUD BECAUSE AT LEAST (S)HE TRIED TO QUIT
As Dave used to quote from Yoda (StarWars)
"DO or DO NOT ... there is no TRY"
Get on with living or get on with dying. When you are READY
to quit, decide that smoking is NOT an option. Stop giving
yourself PERMISSION to fail.
I don't know if I will ever smoke again. I certainly hope
that I remain smober. But if my Quit ends, it will be
because I decided that I had NOT really quit, I had only
taken as break from smoking. If I smoke again it will be
because I gave myself permission to smoke again.
Vince
*******************************************
We miss you, Vince!
At the age of 14, my friends and I were smoking regularly
and had developed a a psychological, social and physical
addiction to smoking. Of course, not one of us smoked in our
homes because we did not have our parents' permission to
smoke. We'd smoke at the candy store, on the street corner,
in the park, in the movies, on dates, after school, before
school ... anywhere but at home. When, at age 16, I asked my
father for permission to smoke, he reluctantly agreed to let
me smoke in the house after I graduated from high school.
Up until my high school graduation, smoking at home was not
an option, so I simply didn't do it.
When I taught school, we were not allowed to smoke in the
classroom or in the schoolyard. There was a teachers' lounge
where all of the teachers went to grab a cup of coffee and a
smoke. The principal had (according to the custom of the
era) granted permission for us to smoke in the lounge and
nowhere else.
In the classroom and general school grounds, smoking was not
an option, so I simply didn't do it.
During my career as a financial consultant, I was often
required to meet with clients in their homes or at their
places of business. From the day of my very first client
meeting, I realized that smoking in a client's home or
office might be considered disrespectful, could distract
from my presentation and might offend non-smokers. Many
clients did not allow smoking in their homes or offices.
Smoking was, at best, a nuisance. At worst, smoking was a
potential deal killer. I therefore decided that I would
follow through on the smoking ban that many of my clients
had instituted. I decided that I would not under any
circumstances smoke during a consultation, regardless of the
length of the meeting or whether or not the client smoked.
During a twenty year career, I never once smoked in the
presence of a client.
Before the birth of our first child, out of concern for my
wife and our unborn child, I realized that smoking was not
in their best interest. I therefore decided not to smoke
anywhere around my wife during her pregnancies and also
stopped anyone else from smoking in her presence. I extended
this personal smoking ban to include not smoking while I was
in the proximity of any pregnant woman or small child, even
if the pregnant woman was, herself, smoking.
For the past 28 years, smoking in the presence of pregnant
women or small children has not been an option so I simply
have not done it.
In each case, I responded to the situation by granting
permission to myself to smoke only in certain circumstances.
As a teenager, I decided not to smoke at home out of respect
for my parents.
As a teacher, I decided not to smoke in the classroom out of
respect for the institution.
... and respect for my clients,
... and respect for the health of children.
I granted or withheld permission to smoke in each
circumstance.
And that internal smoking ban made it easier to live by the
rules, whether they were rules of others or rules of my own.
I could sit with a client for 2 or 3 hours and never once
think of having a cigaret. Of course, the very second I
walked out the door, I would light up. Then I might chain
smoke twice as much as usual to "make up for" the cigarets
I'd missed. That was part of the system of permission, too.
Since I had deprived myself, I granted myself permission to
smoke twice as much to "even the score."
This internal permission is different than external
permission. For example, I used to love to smoke on
airplanes. (There was actually a time when you could smoke
anywhere on a commercial airline as long an the "No Smoking"
sign was not lit.) When the airlines decided to allow
smoking only in the back of the plane, I used to enjoy
getting up to walk to the back of the plane, sitting in the
stewardesses' jump seat, hanging around the galley. It was
the smokers' club and I loved it. But, when the airlines
finally caved in to the anti-smoking conspiracy, it was a
dark and dismal day. There was no smoking on the plane, or
in most airports. I did not, would not internalize this
smoking ban. The airline said "NO" but my head still said
"OKAY". I resisted the airlines' rules and therefore spent
many miserable hours on non-smoking flights thinking about
smoking, longing for a cigaret, trying to figure out if I
could sneak a smoke in the lavatory, contemplating going out
for a walk on the wing ... ANYTHING to have a smoke. The
rules were not MINE because I decided not to make them mine.
I gave myself permission to smoke and an outside force kept
me from acting on my permission.
And so, we can give oursleves permission to leave our quit
when we find the right excuse.
Several years ago, I quit smoking for nearly six months.
Cold turkey, no patch, no support group. I decided it was
time to quit, and I did. But one day, my car broke down. I
was facing a big repair bill, no way to get home, rainy day,
feeling angry and miserable and depressed ... you guessed
it. I granted myself permission to buy a pack of Marlboros
from the cigaret machine in the gas station. I had found a
reason (excuse) to grant myself permission to end my quit.
Which brings us to those among us who tell themselves (and
anyone who will listen) that they're "trying to quit, but I
just can't."
Give me a break!!!
I "tried" to quit for years. I tried every gimmick, every
trick. I threw my cigarets away. I posted pictures of my
young kids all over. I visited a cancer ward. I watched the
documentaries. I visited the seminars. I tried the gum and
the patch. I went to the hypnotist and the acupuncturist. I
smoked until it made me sick. I even tried eating a cigaret.
Every time I quit, I'd always wind up back at the smoke shop
buying another pack, another carton. And I would be proud of
myself for trying. I could ease my conscience with the
memory of the momentary effort I had expended. The mind's a
funny thing. I could even convince myself that the
inevitable emphysema (that killed a family friend) or heart
disease (that killed my uncles) or cancer (that killed my
Dad) would respect my attempts to quit and would just leave
me alone.
What horse s..t
............(With apologies to the horses)
In order for a Quit to be successful, it is much easier to
have the "no smoking" rules be internalized rather than
externalized.
The canstant battle (like the cravings on the airplane)
persist because a person tells himself, "even though I'm a
smoker, there are rules saying I'm NOT ALLOWED to smoke."
That puts the power to ban smoking outside yourself.
It becomes easier when the person learns to say,"even though
I was once a smoker and smoking was pleasurable, smoking is
not an option under any circumstance because I do not
smoke."
We "try" and we "fail"....
and we moan and whine that
"I can't beat those nasty old cigarets."
"That old nico-demon is just to strong for me."
" Well, at least I tried."
I guess that about as good an epitaph as any...
Here lies a smoker.
(S)he died a slow, painful, lingering death.
In the end, the pain was so bad that death came as a relief.
This smoker leaves a family and friends who are OOHHH SOOO
PROUD BECAUSE AT LEAST (S)HE TRIED TO QUIT
As Dave used to quote from Yoda (StarWars)
"DO or DO NOT ... there is no TRY"
Get on with living or get on with dying. When you are READY
to quit, decide that smoking is NOT an option. Stop giving
yourself PERMISSION to fail.
I don't know if I will ever smoke again. I certainly hope
that I remain smober. But if my Quit ends, it will be
because I decided that I had NOT really quit, I had only
taken as break from smoking. If I smoke again it will be
because I gave myself permission to smoke again.
Vince
*******************************************
We miss you, Vince!
