Post by Ann on Jun 8, 2004 11:58:02 GMT -5
*****Please note that being an addict is not a personality flaw.*****
This is a fundamental error that we all have made, damaging in a number of ways.
* By seeing it as a flaw, we are seeing our quit only in terms of how 'strong' we are as people. It is about more than personal strength - or at least in the way we have always defined it. For strength is ALSO about the ability to reach out, ask for help.
* By seeing it as a flaw, we are setting ourselves up for failure if we stumble. That's when we practice the greatest self-abuse, and feel the stripping away of our self-esteem as we do so. This action is built upon the base of our own past self-disgust, any problems with self-esteem we may have had. When we do this, it's as if a part of us is saying sadly 'yes, I knew I would fail... I've been waiting for that. I'm just not good enough.' So - what part of that game have you been playing?
Let me assure you that you are both 'strong' enough to succeed and 'weak' enough to fail - in essence, you are a human; flawed, needing help... and resiliant, wiser than you know. We are each all these things and more.
* By seeing it as a flaw, and by setting ourselves up for failure, as I described, we've weakened our ability to respond to the next crisis. Something inside grows more fragile, brittle - closer to the breaking-point. After all (we might think to ourselves) we stumbled in the past - we knew we couldn't do it. And so, in despair, we stumble again. We find ourselves in a self-made morass - and even that, with its self-pity and loathing, just serves to deepen the trench we're digging.
There is only one way out of this trench. We know the path, and by god, it's not easy - but it is the only consistently upward path I know. It's shared and lit by warmth and caring, by honesty... and each of these things does the exact opposite of tearing away self-esteem. I think we each know this, don't we?
The path is still here. Take a hand - take mine and all these others. And if you cannot see the road, trust in your decision... have faith in this path you chose. There will be dark nights, but you know this. Those darkest nights are precisely when it's important to hold out a hand, and there is simply no way past it - you must trust, you must reach out, you must be fearful and endure doubt, you must reject impulse and race here when your own resolve is weakest. Each time you do this, you are adding to the strong foundation of your quit. And more.
* Every time you face down doubt, you build resolve.
* Every time you survive a crisis, you build flexibility, adding to your fund of knowledge: How to deal with X situation, or Y stressor. Next time, that knowledge is there and the pride of knowing you've gotten past it.
* Every time you step out, with faith that the path you've chosen is the right one (with fear, in tears sometimes - reaching for a hand in the dark) - every time you do this, and feel the firm ground beneath you, survive 'til morning comes; every time you do this, you trust your own faith more, and the hands and care of others.
* And finally, every time you do this, you know yourself more fully as a human. You are experience, wisdom, joy - sorrow, fear, uncertainty; laughter, love - life. It may be (and I don't know, because I'm still on that path, too!) about finding balance, teetering along, loving ourselves & others in spite of, because of our flaws and failures; seeing bruises and scars & loving what that means; facing forward, with full remembrance of the past, and ever-growing appreciation of our own role in the lives of others.
Carol
found on QuitNet
This is a fundamental error that we all have made, damaging in a number of ways.
* By seeing it as a flaw, we are seeing our quit only in terms of how 'strong' we are as people. It is about more than personal strength - or at least in the way we have always defined it. For strength is ALSO about the ability to reach out, ask for help.
* By seeing it as a flaw, we are setting ourselves up for failure if we stumble. That's when we practice the greatest self-abuse, and feel the stripping away of our self-esteem as we do so. This action is built upon the base of our own past self-disgust, any problems with self-esteem we may have had. When we do this, it's as if a part of us is saying sadly 'yes, I knew I would fail... I've been waiting for that. I'm just not good enough.' So - what part of that game have you been playing?
Let me assure you that you are both 'strong' enough to succeed and 'weak' enough to fail - in essence, you are a human; flawed, needing help... and resiliant, wiser than you know. We are each all these things and more.
* By seeing it as a flaw, and by setting ourselves up for failure, as I described, we've weakened our ability to respond to the next crisis. Something inside grows more fragile, brittle - closer to the breaking-point. After all (we might think to ourselves) we stumbled in the past - we knew we couldn't do it. And so, in despair, we stumble again. We find ourselves in a self-made morass - and even that, with its self-pity and loathing, just serves to deepen the trench we're digging.
There is only one way out of this trench. We know the path, and by god, it's not easy - but it is the only consistently upward path I know. It's shared and lit by warmth and caring, by honesty... and each of these things does the exact opposite of tearing away self-esteem. I think we each know this, don't we?
The path is still here. Take a hand - take mine and all these others. And if you cannot see the road, trust in your decision... have faith in this path you chose. There will be dark nights, but you know this. Those darkest nights are precisely when it's important to hold out a hand, and there is simply no way past it - you must trust, you must reach out, you must be fearful and endure doubt, you must reject impulse and race here when your own resolve is weakest. Each time you do this, you are adding to the strong foundation of your quit. And more.
* Every time you face down doubt, you build resolve.
* Every time you survive a crisis, you build flexibility, adding to your fund of knowledge: How to deal with X situation, or Y stressor. Next time, that knowledge is there and the pride of knowing you've gotten past it.
* Every time you step out, with faith that the path you've chosen is the right one (with fear, in tears sometimes - reaching for a hand in the dark) - every time you do this, and feel the firm ground beneath you, survive 'til morning comes; every time you do this, you trust your own faith more, and the hands and care of others.
* And finally, every time you do this, you know yourself more fully as a human. You are experience, wisdom, joy - sorrow, fear, uncertainty; laughter, love - life. It may be (and I don't know, because I'm still on that path, too!) about finding balance, teetering along, loving ourselves & others in spite of, because of our flaws and failures; seeing bruises and scars & loving what that means; facing forward, with full remembrance of the past, and ever-growing appreciation of our own role in the lives of others.
Carol
found on QuitNet