Post by Ann on Oct 7, 2005 10:02:41 GMT -5
The Zen of Quitting, according to Murphy
"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." --Some dead git, or possibly Henry Kissinger
You must remember that the success of your quit relies not on what you do. It relies on what everyone else does. And how well you can hide the bloodstains.
Take a deep breath when you come across a fellow former smoker who, upon hearing how badly you are craving, takes you on a touching sentimental journey back to the 'good old days' of smoking. Especially if they tell you how many times they slipped and that it's not a 'big deal.' Thank them for their support and then poke them in the eye with a sharp stick.
Understand that when a friend tells you many horror stories about the forty-seven relatives he has that got terminal cancer five second AFTER they quit smoking, they are only trying to justify their own addiction. Thank them for their kind words and then force feed them their own cigarettes at gunpoint. With whipped cream, if you're feeling nice.
And that 'friend' at work who tries to help you through a smoke jones by offering you one on a break? Break him. Don't worry that Zen is about non-violence. Zen is also about serenity, and you cannot be serene around idiots like this. A submachine gun works nicely in these circumstances. And you will be improving the gene pool. Doing a service for humanity.
Your quit is all about you, and just how selfish and annoying you can be. Use these wonderful days to really bond with those around you. It is an effort guaranteed to yield results.
"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." --Some dead git, or possibly Henry Kissinger
You must remember that the success of your quit relies not on what you do. It relies on what everyone else does. And how well you can hide the bloodstains.
Take a deep breath when you come across a fellow former smoker who, upon hearing how badly you are craving, takes you on a touching sentimental journey back to the 'good old days' of smoking. Especially if they tell you how many times they slipped and that it's not a 'big deal.' Thank them for their support and then poke them in the eye with a sharp stick.
Understand that when a friend tells you many horror stories about the forty-seven relatives he has that got terminal cancer five second AFTER they quit smoking, they are only trying to justify their own addiction. Thank them for their kind words and then force feed them their own cigarettes at gunpoint. With whipped cream, if you're feeling nice.
And that 'friend' at work who tries to help you through a smoke jones by offering you one on a break? Break him. Don't worry that Zen is about non-violence. Zen is also about serenity, and you cannot be serene around idiots like this. A submachine gun works nicely in these circumstances. And you will be improving the gene pool. Doing a service for humanity.
Your quit is all about you, and just how selfish and annoying you can be. Use these wonderful days to really bond with those around you. It is an effort guaranteed to yield results.
