Post by KAREN on Dec 8, 2005 17:15:01 GMT -5
Hard to imagine that 3 months ago just around 9 p.m. I was taking my first few breaths of being a non-smoker. I remember that next evening sitting outside in my neighbor's driveway in my lawn chair eating ice cream cake for my neighbor's birthday............and thinking, omg I am not gonna make it one day....I just know it!!! But you know, a little voice inside me said.......but if you smoke Karen......you may not quit again. And that is the scary party for me. I don't know about you all but I am so scared that if I start smoking again I may never quit again..........or I will be force to quit because of heart problems or cancer..........and then how awful it would be to quit. I decided when before I turned 40 that I was going to quit with my husband.........that was my birthday present to myself (yeah some birthday present huh.........not exactly diamonds LOL) and that I was starting what I like to call the second half of my life as I would love to at least see 80 years old. My parents died at 59 and 60 respectively (13 years apart) and I am d**ned determined to live much longer then they did, God willing, and not die from cancer. I want quality life too, another reason why I quit smoking. I love the feeling of being able to wake up in the morning and not be coughing my head off and not have nicotine stains on the end of my fingers, or on my lips after smoking 2 packs that day before. I love the fact that I can talk to someone face to face now after my breaks at work and not be self-concious of my breath or feel like I have to run and brush my teeth right away.
Anyway, back to my 1st day. I thought............not gonna make this.......but I hung in there and made it through my 1st day and then the following days until it ended up being a week and another and another. I think day 14 I really struggled for some reason.........believe I had personal problems and sometime after that I had posted that I was struggling too but I did not smoke. It was all one day at a time and I still have my days, but I am not on the patch anymore either and that feels good to be rid of the nicotine entirely.
LOL I know that I am addicted to nicotine but I realize I smoked when I craved one, when I was bored, stressed, happy, sad, you name it. I had a very busy and physically hard day at work today and I saw a gal having a cigarette and I thought, ohhhhhhh that looks good..........but then *poof* it was gone. The good news is...........they don't look good 99.9 percent of the time now and that is wonderful.
I know I cannot take even one puff!!!!!! NOPE! I cannot take a puff of a cigarette any more then I can take a sip of beer or wine. Because for me 1 is too many and 100 not enough. Anything that makes me feel good ( or I trick myself into believing it makes me feel good LOL) I take more and more and more........and cigarettes have been my longest addiction, 24 years. Quit for 13 months back in 2002-2003 and the started again. Worst thing I could have done or so I thought........but I learned from it and I still look back and see what made me go back that last time and use it to not smoke today. So I learned some good tools there.
Well, rambled enough I guess. I am proud and grateful to be smoke free even when the nicodemon whispers into my ear........oh go a head Karen one won't hurt, because I know it will hurt and it will land me back at 2 packs a day and I know that I don't want that today. I have you people to thank for all your support. I came her I believe before 14 days smober and have been here ever since. This is a wonderful site. I really did not use a support system when I quit before........at least nothing like this. Thank you all for being here for me and the many others that come to this board.
90 days, 18 hours, 26 minutes and 53 seconds smoke free. 3631 cigarettes not smoked. $728.00 and 27 days, 17 hours of my life saved! My quit date: 9/8/2005 9:00:00 PM
Hugs and love,
Karen
Anyway, back to my 1st day. I thought............not gonna make this.......but I hung in there and made it through my 1st day and then the following days until it ended up being a week and another and another. I think day 14 I really struggled for some reason.........believe I had personal problems and sometime after that I had posted that I was struggling too but I did not smoke. It was all one day at a time and I still have my days, but I am not on the patch anymore either and that feels good to be rid of the nicotine entirely.
LOL I know that I am addicted to nicotine but I realize I smoked when I craved one, when I was bored, stressed, happy, sad, you name it. I had a very busy and physically hard day at work today and I saw a gal having a cigarette and I thought, ohhhhhhh that looks good..........but then *poof* it was gone. The good news is...........they don't look good 99.9 percent of the time now and that is wonderful.
I know I cannot take even one puff!!!!!! NOPE! I cannot take a puff of a cigarette any more then I can take a sip of beer or wine. Because for me 1 is too many and 100 not enough. Anything that makes me feel good ( or I trick myself into believing it makes me feel good LOL) I take more and more and more........and cigarettes have been my longest addiction, 24 years. Quit for 13 months back in 2002-2003 and the started again. Worst thing I could have done or so I thought........but I learned from it and I still look back and see what made me go back that last time and use it to not smoke today. So I learned some good tools there.
Well, rambled enough I guess. I am proud and grateful to be smoke free even when the nicodemon whispers into my ear........oh go a head Karen one won't hurt, because I know it will hurt and it will land me back at 2 packs a day and I know that I don't want that today. I have you people to thank for all your support. I came her I believe before 14 days smober and have been here ever since. This is a wonderful site. I really did not use a support system when I quit before........at least nothing like this. Thank you all for being here for me and the many others that come to this board.
90 days, 18 hours, 26 minutes and 53 seconds smoke free. 3631 cigarettes not smoked. $728.00 and 27 days, 17 hours of my life saved! My quit date: 9/8/2005 9:00:00 PM
Hugs and love,
Karen
