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Post by countryblocks on Mar 21, 2006 16:26:16 GMT -5
I know this is a smoking forum but I hope no one minds if I say something on the subject of substance abuse.I can relate with you jp. I am ashamed of my son for the same reasons. He just got out prison in December.He stole from us to and no matter what we did nothing worked.He stole for drugs.We let come live with us again.Everything was fine for the first month and then he started hanging out with his exgirlfriend.He had a job and was taking classes at a college near us.didn't take him long to get fired.He was lying and lots of arguing so this time I told him to get out.He left last Tuesday.My 2 other children turned against him to.I don't hear from him much.of course I worry about him but he doesn't seem to help himself.Years of counceling and still the same old crap.I never planned to tell anyone on the forum about this but I am to depressed and wanted to air it out.Iquit for almost a year and didn't know how to deal with the stress and there I am smoking.Hubby had 3 stents put in .clogged arteries from smoking . He doesn't smoke that I know of but I am not around him all day.sorry this is so long but I feel better
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Post by Don on Mar 21, 2006 16:44:16 GMT -5
You can lead a horse to water...
I'm still a bit early into this parenting thing, however I do know that I can teach all there is and yet still they must learn "Hot" by painful experience.
I have no answers. Although I am sure smoking is not an answer.
But how does one cope? Again, I have no answer.
I am sorry for your sadness, expectations and disappointment.
Perhaps your son is still learning and has surely taken the hard road to learning.
For some, the concept of "Hot" must take time and it is something that must be self-taught.
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Post by jpkwitter on Mar 21, 2006 17:09:55 GMT -5
I know there are some who would disagree with this...that is ok...but I think this forum is for everything that has anything to do with what is going on in people's lives...anything that would cause one to smoke must Must belong in a quit smoking support forum...maybe someone here has something that they have tried that worked for them...the one coping skill they could share to pass on to those whose coping skill has been to smoke instead of deal...or smoke because they simply couldn't deal...or...sheesh...I know what I want to say but it is not making much sense here...we for too long used the crutch of smoking to help with that...calmness...relax...cool down...it worked when you hid away and had that smoke...life didn't seem so impossible...why do you suppose they gave smokes to men who went off to war...because they knew...it did truly help...so...what to do instead?...what to do when you simply cannot tolerate another minute trying to fix something you didn't break and haven't a clue how to fix...when you aren't smoking...when you know you never will again...what do you do instead...how do you tolerate an intolerable situation and maintain your sanity and keep your peace of mind? this is not "HOT" Don...this is far worse...it can destroy a family...if one lets it...so far we have not...but it has come close so often...so I say we must have hope...it angers my husband and my daughters but with lots of talk I manage to convince them...and maybe even myself...but it is something to hang onto...one guarantee...he will grow up...that will not stop...the thing we worry about is will he find himself before it is too late?...will he drive everyone including us away? how much is one supposed to accept before they give up? How long must a person watch someone destroy themselves and be incapable of doing anything to help them get better...
yes...Country...this is a quit board...but it is also a people board...that is why I have come here all these years...because I knew then and I know now...these people care...when one is ready to ask for help or support...the people here will answer...they care...everyone matters...I am sorry for your shame...that is where I differ...I suppose because I went through too much as a child...everyone has a right to live...everyone has a right to make mistakes...the problem comes in when they keep making the same ones over and over and blaming someone else for their errors...I am not ashamed of my son...I feel sorry for him...it must feel terrible inside to be him...some day I hope and pray he will be happy...some day I hope and pray he will move on from whatever has a hold on him that keeps him from growing...that keeps him from living and being happy...but my husband and I will no longer be a part of that life...we have our own...he will live here...as long as no one is being hurt...we will be here for him...but he needs to find himself...know he is worthy...know he is special...important...we have all been there...most of us were lucky enough to get out in one piece...some are not as fortunate. I do not want my son to be a statistic...I do not want my husband to be a statistic...I do not want to be a statistic...I believe you don't want that either or you wouldn't be here now...I remember your struggle...do it again...you are worth it...you cannot CANNOT fix something you didn't break...you can only fix yourself.
God ...I hope this makes sense...
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Post by countryblocks on Mar 21, 2006 17:27:38 GMT -5
must be a reason for me being here.Maybe cause we have something we can relate to.Funny just the other day I was telling dh that I wonder why his happened to us and if anyone else is going through this I sure would like to know and then you said this.makes me feel better not being alone.I don't mean I'm ashamed of him .I am ashamed of his behavior and where he has been.He started seeing the ex that gave him the drugs and put him away.That's why we were devastated when he started seeing her again.I had to let him go cause this is to painful for me and it did tear our family apart.I always say a prayer asking my Higher Power to take care of him cause we can't.
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Post by Elaine on Mar 21, 2006 18:20:41 GMT -5
I am so sorry the two of you are going through this! I am glad that you two found each other though; maybe you can give each other hope and strength.
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Post by Ann on Mar 21, 2006 19:48:37 GMT -5
They say addiction runs in families - smoking is an addiction so are drugs and alcohol. We are dealing with my nephew in our family. He started in high school and is now 24 years old and in yet another rehab. My sister has asked so many times all the same questions you ask yourselves. "Why us, why him, how much more are we supposed to take, when will he grow up, will he grow up?  ?" I have spent countless hours one the phone with my sister and her husband crying over what might have been what is yet to come. This effects everyone in the family, you may not notice this now but it will come out eventually. I have no advice for you or anyone all I can give my sister is my ear and my shoulder. I want this to end for her so she doesn't lay awake at night wondering if he is alive or dead, eating or hungry, coming home or staying out. It's tearing her apart and if this continues it will destroy their marriage. Conutry & JP know that I do understand and my heart bleeds for you both. Yes learning to cope with any addiction is part of this forum. |
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Post by Karl on Mar 22, 2006 16:03:52 GMT -5
JP and Countryblocks, hang in there. I've found over the years that the one thing you can't change is others. What you can change is how you react to others. In this case, you can smoke to "feel better" or not smoke. Either way, you will not change others. Best wishes to all.
Karl
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Post by SueZ on Mar 22, 2006 17:39:50 GMT -5
Don't know if this will help or not. My son had to hit "rock bottom" - living in his pickup, no money, no food, no friends left, etc - before he realized he was killing himself, and wanted to live. He was 25. We let him move back home - one more time - the last time - you know the routine, but that time it worked. In a way it was just like quitting smoking. He had to want to quit his addiction, just as badly as we want to quit ours. That time he wanted it bad enough. It wasn't easy - for any of us, but we made it. That was 13 years ago.
I guess I'm just saying - don't give up hope. You've done the best you could, it's up to that child, now.
SueZ
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Post by Graciedonovan on Mar 27, 2006 13:59:42 GMT -5
The only topic off limits here is SPAM.
Country/JP, my thoughts and prayers are with you both.
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Post by countryblocks on Mar 27, 2006 21:48:19 GMT -5
I just want to say no good news here for me report.Thanks for the support. I need to hear that.Maybe someday I will have someing good to say. I am still around.
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Post by Dee on Mar 28, 2006 18:42:22 GMT -5
(((Country))) (((JP))) Sorry you ladies have to go through this. I hope both of you know that I personally think highly of you both. See you Wednesday Country.
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Post by jpkwitter on Mar 30, 2006 14:12:07 GMT -5
Country....thankyou for opening up...it took me a long time too...one of my quit roadblocks...a biggie...hang in there...
JP
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?" I have spent countless hours one the phone with my sister and her husband crying over what might have been what is yet to come.
