Post by judyb on Apr 2, 2007 7:52:30 GMT -5
Make a deal with yourself to learn to enjoy your own company, your own life, minute by minute, without the smokes. Make a deal to be strong enough to get to know yourself without the veil of smoke obscuring your view. Make a deal with yourself to rededicate your life to a life of fullfillment and enjoyment, rather than a life of self-avoidance and addiction.
I made those deals. I decided that my life is a pretty interesting and precious thing, and that I hadn't really properly gotten to know myself and all the things I may--or may not--enjoy doing. I knew I liked to smoke, and as long as I had that, I was, at least twenty or so times a day, content.
to enjoy your own company, your own life, minute by minute, without the smokes. Make a deal to be strong
enough to get to know yourself without the veil of smoke obscuring your view. Make a deal with yourself to rededicate your life to a life of fullfillment and enjoyment, rather than a life of self-avoidance and addiction.
But really, I wasn't. I was fooling myself by creating a way to find a kind of contentment by creating a false need--cigarettes. I think at some point I became afraid to pursue true happiness and enjoyment--maybe out of fear of disappointment, who knows--and I knew I could at least have the small(but guaranteed) happiness of a smoke.
Little did I know how empty that "happiness" was. Well, maybe I knew, but I ignored the knowing. Then one day last July I was playing a video game, and lighting my fifteenth or so smoke of the day, when I realized that I was enjoying the smoke way more than the video game. As I turned it over in my head I realized that when it came down to it, I enjoyed smoking more than just about anything in my life. Sure, I liked my job okay, Loved my friends and family, enjoyed books and movies and stuff, but none of it really compared to that feeling of that first inhalation of a smoke. At these moments, I felt content and--amazingly--fullfilled.
When I made that conscious realization, I was a little scandalized, and fairly disappointed in myself. I know I had my reasons for smoking, and I don't blame myself, tobacco companies, anyone. It's done. I did what I wanted to do, and I can't deny it.
But I decided, right then and there, that day on my couch, as I snuffed that cigarette midsmoke, that I WOULD deny myself THAT pleasure, from then on. I knew I would never really relish properly all the other worthy experiences and pleasures life has to offer if everything else came second to the addiction. I also knew that I would never really learn which bits and peices of life were mine to grab, which ones suited my individuality, if I kept hiding myself behind the smoke. In short I needed to "find" myself--cliched as it sounds--and I knew I'd never be able to see well enough through that veil of smoke to find the real me.
Now, I'm happy to say, he is revealing himself in big and little ways every day. I'm not burying my feelings any more, I'm not giving into the fakejoy ways of the smoke, I'm finding what I really love, and my life is slowly changing. And very much for the better.
I really can't overstate it--smoking robs us of joy. We all need and deserve our own joys in life, and it will not be found in a weed and chemical filled tube of paper. It's just not possible.
But quitting is very possible, and you will, I think, be quite surprised at the new ways you experience life.
All this isn't to say it won't be hard--sometimes the best lessons are learned through certain types of adversity--but please, while you are thinking about how difficult the change to non-smoker can be at times, remember to focus on the good parts of it. And they are far more impressive than the bad, these good parts.
Not the least of which is the new found ability to enjoy activities just for what they are, and to enjoy your own company throughout, without giving into the demands of addiction. Realize as you begin to sense the void forming where the smoke used to go, that the space is actually being filled up with you--your unique spirit, your wonderful individuality (which has been hidden or somewhat surpressed for a good while)--and realize that self is a blessing to you, and the rest of the world, too.
just4u - albie
I made those deals. I decided that my life is a pretty interesting and precious thing, and that I hadn't really properly gotten to know myself and all the things I may--or may not--enjoy doing. I knew I liked to smoke, and as long as I had that, I was, at least twenty or so times a day, content.
to enjoy your own company, your own life, minute by minute, without the smokes. Make a deal to be strong
enough to get to know yourself without the veil of smoke obscuring your view. Make a deal with yourself to rededicate your life to a life of fullfillment and enjoyment, rather than a life of self-avoidance and addiction.
But really, I wasn't. I was fooling myself by creating a way to find a kind of contentment by creating a false need--cigarettes. I think at some point I became afraid to pursue true happiness and enjoyment--maybe out of fear of disappointment, who knows--and I knew I could at least have the small(but guaranteed) happiness of a smoke.
Little did I know how empty that "happiness" was. Well, maybe I knew, but I ignored the knowing. Then one day last July I was playing a video game, and lighting my fifteenth or so smoke of the day, when I realized that I was enjoying the smoke way more than the video game. As I turned it over in my head I realized that when it came down to it, I enjoyed smoking more than just about anything in my life. Sure, I liked my job okay, Loved my friends and family, enjoyed books and movies and stuff, but none of it really compared to that feeling of that first inhalation of a smoke. At these moments, I felt content and--amazingly--fullfilled.
When I made that conscious realization, I was a little scandalized, and fairly disappointed in myself. I know I had my reasons for smoking, and I don't blame myself, tobacco companies, anyone. It's done. I did what I wanted to do, and I can't deny it.
But I decided, right then and there, that day on my couch, as I snuffed that cigarette midsmoke, that I WOULD deny myself THAT pleasure, from then on. I knew I would never really relish properly all the other worthy experiences and pleasures life has to offer if everything else came second to the addiction. I also knew that I would never really learn which bits and peices of life were mine to grab, which ones suited my individuality, if I kept hiding myself behind the smoke. In short I needed to "find" myself--cliched as it sounds--and I knew I'd never be able to see well enough through that veil of smoke to find the real me.
Now, I'm happy to say, he is revealing himself in big and little ways every day. I'm not burying my feelings any more, I'm not giving into the fakejoy ways of the smoke, I'm finding what I really love, and my life is slowly changing. And very much for the better.
I really can't overstate it--smoking robs us of joy. We all need and deserve our own joys in life, and it will not be found in a weed and chemical filled tube of paper. It's just not possible.
But quitting is very possible, and you will, I think, be quite surprised at the new ways you experience life.
All this isn't to say it won't be hard--sometimes the best lessons are learned through certain types of adversity--but please, while you are thinking about how difficult the change to non-smoker can be at times, remember to focus on the good parts of it. And they are far more impressive than the bad, these good parts.
Not the least of which is the new found ability to enjoy activities just for what they are, and to enjoy your own company throughout, without giving into the demands of addiction. Realize as you begin to sense the void forming where the smoke used to go, that the space is actually being filled up with you--your unique spirit, your wonderful individuality (which has been hidden or somewhat surpressed for a good while)--and realize that self is a blessing to you, and the rest of the world, too.
just4u - albie