Post by judyb on Jul 3, 2004 7:59:07 GMT -5
ultimately, the battle is yours and only yours... you choose your weapons,
and you learn your weaknesses. this, the learning of one's own weaknesses,
is very interesting... the longer you go the more you see, like a flower
unfolding its secrets little by little, day by day... and the weaknesses are
all different, some you can defeat handily, but some you may never beat
completely, and can only hope to keep them at bay forever, which is itself a
type of victory, and maybe a more difficult one to earn...
your choice of weapons is vast; you have all sorts, pills and patches and
humor, and statistics, and anger, and sickness and health, and candy and gum
and mints, and even the struggle of others and the memory of your own pain
become weapons after a certain amount of time... but for a weapon to be
effective you must know how to use it... and these weapons are no different;
you must know how and where to aim, and know the capabilities and
limitations of each and every one at your disposal, as a misused weapon may
as well be turned and used on one's own self.
the actual moment of quitting is nothing short of a rip in time, as your
past changes from one thing to another entirely... and the rip is abrupt and
harsh and not pretty, and it takes its own course and goes where it wants.
now is time to hang on and try not to fall, as you have little influence on
the direction you go... in a few days, you may be able to slow down and take
stock of your situation and surroundings, to see where you are, and where
you want to go to now.
this is where the journey really starts... where decisions are made, and the
battle won or lost; the opponent is determined, and wily, and does not
expect to lose. like all journeys, the travel is the solid part, the actual
substance that you can reach out and feel; the destination is only the
result of this travel, and is only incidental to the work done while
traveling. The real discovery is done during the trip, not at the end of it.
you may go to places you never imagined, indeed, you probably will, and
these new places will be strange and wonderful, and sometimes frightening.
and they will begin to populate a new past, one that will slowly grow and
become solid, and even one day compete with the old past that you
unceremoniously tossed away. at this point, you have performed magic; you
have created something from nothing.
enjoy the act of creation...
as3 - "slackr"- 9/1998