Post by Ann on Jul 12, 2004 12:56:54 GMT -5
Repost - IT’S ALLLLLLLLLL ABOUT ME
Does that sound selfish? I suppose.
The REALITY in this struggle is that being selfish….at least selfish enough to remember that in this battle YOUR needs MUST be a priority….is probably a good thing.
When my dad was dying of lung cancer this past year, my first reaction was to want to save him from it. I think that’s natural. When I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to it I was both angry and frustrated. Gee in all the movies and books the hero ALWAYS wins….you just have to stand up to the foe. Trouble is ….the foe had already won the war…..long before we even knew of it’s existance.
Once the truth of that set in it became very clear to me that I had a choice……spend this time grieving and trying to feel what he was feeling…..or be as strong as I possibly could for him.
And to do that I needed to be strong ….both physically and emotionally. Physically that meant giving up smoking….regardless of whether it was the right time or not. Emotionally it meant NOT wallowing in grief but trying to find ways to help him get through it. I know that it became very important to me that these days were NOT without smiles. For him AND for me. I recognized the strength in that in that for us both.
So ….whats this post all about?
A few things.
First. Since I’ve been here I’ve noticed time and time again where someone further along in a quit is reluctant to post about having cravings. They are afraid of the impact that admission could possibly have on newcomers. They are afraid that someone will see that and automatically decide that it’s not worth the effort if they are still going to be facing cravings further along in this journey. Personally I think that’s why this site IS successful…..because we DON’T hide from the realities of this addiction….we are facing up to it……we are dealing with it honestly…..AND we are beating it. Knowing your enemy is a HUGE key to success in this battle. And I want to win it…..I want all the tools available at my disposal to make sure I DO win. If somebody feels a need to post for support….I think they should just put it out here.
Second. Just because someone else lets go of THEIR quit is no reason for ANYONE to take that as a sign that further along YOURS is doomed as well…..on the contrary. It SHOULD be seen as a lesson…..complacency is NOT a good idea if your plan is to stay quit. It’s been proven. But that doesn’t mean that craves at these higher levels are like dealing with the craves of those first couple of weeks…..or even close………and as long as we continue to really GET that if we stay away from that “just one”….we WON’T be re-doing this whole thing. Nobody FORCES you to take that first puff again. YOU hold the cards…..it has nothing to do with whether or not somebody else lost THEIR quit….it’s just another one of those many reasons that we come up with to justify smoking. And there is NO justification for setting yourself up for what smoking will do for you.
Third…..and this is where selfish might seem to play a part. In order for you to continue to maintain emotional strength during this process you have to be careful NOT to take on somebody elses “stuff”. You are not doing THEM or YOURSELF any favour in doing so and part of being strong means keeping a positive attitude as much as possible. You can’t be doing that if you are grieving all the time for choices that others have made. I consider myself a very compassionate person but I’ve learned this through experience. I can’t help someone else be strong if I’m not strong myself. It’s just not possible. I can be there for them….I can give them as much support as they need….but at the end of the day THEIR choice is not mine to make. I can care but I can’t allow myself to become immersed in their decision. And when they are ready to give it another shot…..Hey I’m there…..and I’m still strong.
If we are going to beat this thing then we can’t go at it with blinders on. The reality is some days are just gonna suck big time. They did before you quit and no doubt they will after you quit.
The other reality is?…….if you stick them out the rewards are WELL worth the effort. And I be willing to bet that if you do stick this out…………..you’ll agree wholeheartedly.
maureen
found on QuitNet
Does that sound selfish? I suppose.
The REALITY in this struggle is that being selfish….at least selfish enough to remember that in this battle YOUR needs MUST be a priority….is probably a good thing.
When my dad was dying of lung cancer this past year, my first reaction was to want to save him from it. I think that’s natural. When I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to it I was both angry and frustrated. Gee in all the movies and books the hero ALWAYS wins….you just have to stand up to the foe. Trouble is ….the foe had already won the war…..long before we even knew of it’s existance.
Once the truth of that set in it became very clear to me that I had a choice……spend this time grieving and trying to feel what he was feeling…..or be as strong as I possibly could for him.
And to do that I needed to be strong ….both physically and emotionally. Physically that meant giving up smoking….regardless of whether it was the right time or not. Emotionally it meant NOT wallowing in grief but trying to find ways to help him get through it. I know that it became very important to me that these days were NOT without smiles. For him AND for me. I recognized the strength in that in that for us both.
So ….whats this post all about?
A few things.
First. Since I’ve been here I’ve noticed time and time again where someone further along in a quit is reluctant to post about having cravings. They are afraid of the impact that admission could possibly have on newcomers. They are afraid that someone will see that and automatically decide that it’s not worth the effort if they are still going to be facing cravings further along in this journey. Personally I think that’s why this site IS successful…..because we DON’T hide from the realities of this addiction….we are facing up to it……we are dealing with it honestly…..AND we are beating it. Knowing your enemy is a HUGE key to success in this battle. And I want to win it…..I want all the tools available at my disposal to make sure I DO win. If somebody feels a need to post for support….I think they should just put it out here.
Second. Just because someone else lets go of THEIR quit is no reason for ANYONE to take that as a sign that further along YOURS is doomed as well…..on the contrary. It SHOULD be seen as a lesson…..complacency is NOT a good idea if your plan is to stay quit. It’s been proven. But that doesn’t mean that craves at these higher levels are like dealing with the craves of those first couple of weeks…..or even close………and as long as we continue to really GET that if we stay away from that “just one”….we WON’T be re-doing this whole thing. Nobody FORCES you to take that first puff again. YOU hold the cards…..it has nothing to do with whether or not somebody else lost THEIR quit….it’s just another one of those many reasons that we come up with to justify smoking. And there is NO justification for setting yourself up for what smoking will do for you.
Third…..and this is where selfish might seem to play a part. In order for you to continue to maintain emotional strength during this process you have to be careful NOT to take on somebody elses “stuff”. You are not doing THEM or YOURSELF any favour in doing so and part of being strong means keeping a positive attitude as much as possible. You can’t be doing that if you are grieving all the time for choices that others have made. I consider myself a very compassionate person but I’ve learned this through experience. I can’t help someone else be strong if I’m not strong myself. It’s just not possible. I can be there for them….I can give them as much support as they need….but at the end of the day THEIR choice is not mine to make. I can care but I can’t allow myself to become immersed in their decision. And when they are ready to give it another shot…..Hey I’m there…..and I’m still strong.
If we are going to beat this thing then we can’t go at it with blinders on. The reality is some days are just gonna suck big time. They did before you quit and no doubt they will after you quit.
The other reality is?…….if you stick them out the rewards are WELL worth the effort. And I be willing to bet that if you do stick this out…………..you’ll agree wholeheartedly.
maureen
found on QuitNet