Post by judyb on Jul 17, 2004 7:39:30 GMT -5
I've recently been talking to a couple of long term quitters, people with a considerable amount of quit
time on their meters. It seems that they get urges from time to time and find this to be not only 'normal'
but also expected as the way it 'must' be. Why?? I didn't quit to live longer, in fact, there's no realistic
indication that I'll live a minute longer because I quit. I quit because I'd had enough of being enslaved,
of suffering some periodic twitch to 'do something' whether it was light up or think about lighting up.
The idea that the rest of my life would include the occasional urge was, and still is,
completely unacceptable. To me, that isn't being comfortably and successfully quit..... That's more like
just not smoking. Please believe me, I'm not passing judgement on the quality of anyone's quit. Being
nicotine free is a remarkable achievement and will bring
wonderful improvements in the quality of life..... It's just that I wonder why so many quitters think
they'll be 'addicts' all their lives? Why is it so accepted that some of us will 'always' suffer? I mean ....
Aside from the fact that we repeatedly tell ourselves, based solely on our own past experience, that
we're destined to suffer, what foundation do we have for those most fervently held beliefs? Upon what
is that "Even if I quit, I'll always...." dialog based? At the same time, why shouldn't we believe our own
inner dialogs? Weren't they correct? Weren't they ALWAYS correct when we were
smokers and got stressed and our own voice said, "A cigarette will calm you."? And did it calm us?
Yep, sure did. So was it correct? Yep, sure was. Not only was it correct, but we
revalidated it's correctness with every cig we lit up and 5-8 seconds later felt calm spread over us. (If
I've got my 'facts' straight, a hit of inhaled nicotine reaches the brain in about 5 seconds and has
spread throughout the body within about 8 seconds.)
The dialog that went, "A cig will calm Me." was accurate. We listened and never questioned that
'truth'. We reacted in the only logical way we could, or would even consider. We followed the proven
path. So, the dialog, "A cig will calm me", became THE 'standard' for any sort of stressed sensation
regardless of it's source. I wonder what other 'standard' dialogs or scripts were part of our smoking
response inventory?
Nicotine is both a sedative and a stimulant.
(http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofax/tobacco.html ) &
(http://www.med.upenn.edu/~recovery/pros/nicotine.html )
As a sedative:
1- "A hit of nicotine will calm me down." Every time we felt 'stressed' and felt the need to calm down,
we lit up in response to that 'truth', and felt calmed within 5-8 seconds. Once again, we reinforced the
truism that "A cigarette was valid". I don't think there's any difference in the experience of stress
between, "I need to calm down because my mother in law is in the next room." and "I need to calm
down because my nic level has dropped and I'm experiencing the first stages of withdrawal." Or
between, "I must calm down and not let my emotions get the best of me." and "I've just started detox
and I'm in withdrawal and my emotions are starting to bounce all over the place." Do we use the
same established dialogs in every instance? Is that were our inner struggle takes place?
2- " A cigarette will relieve my hunger." I know I often used a cig as 'a hold over' until I could get some
food. Sometimes, too often, it was a complete replacement for food. All the vitamins and
minerals....? Nah, probably not. But so what? I was staying slim ... right? OK, we can add 'food
replacement' to the list of 'standard dialogs' that I used while smoking.
As a stimulant:
3- "A hit of nicotine will perk me up." Didn't we put a cigarette together with our morning coffee as THE
'get up and go' prescription? If I wasn't saying "Boy! do I need a coffee", you can be sure I was saying,
"Boy! do I need a cigarette and a coffee". What about through my day? What about mid morning after
my first couple of coffees and the 'breakfast bagel' had been burned up? What about that dragged out
feeling that was the period before lunch?? A cig was the cure for that sag in energy! And then there
was the after lunch "Could I ever use a siesta". Again, a cig was my perfect cure .... a couple of quick
drags and I was primed to head into the afternoon race to
quitting time.
4- "I'm bored. I need a cigarette." What did boredom feel like? Did it include physical and mental
inactivity? Unstimulated physically or mentally? Shallow breathing? Maybe something that feels like the
'non-specific restless crankies'? So I'd light up and within 5-8 seconds I felt .... something. A change? A
nicotine rush? Well that's a change isn't it? Where did anyone say anything about appropriate change?
Boredom begs change and a cigarette provided it. That the 'change' lasted only a very short time was
completely beside the point. As soon as the bored feeling became too noticeable, I lit up another.
These are only 4 situation/conditions that were a normal part of my days. Yet I can see how just those
4 situations and their accompanying dialogs could account for about 3/4 of the cigs I'd smoke through
a day.... Everything from my morning wake up, to my mid morning pick me up, to the stressed phone
call, to a delayed lunch, to the rush home, to the early evening after dinner 'Ahhhh'. And through it all,
through my whole day, my own inner voice was telling me this was the accurate and most effective way
to deal with 'life'. But were those cigarette responses really accurate? Well certainly within the context
and requirements of a smoker dealing with his day, they were very accurate. The problem was that I
didn't take the effort to step
outside of that context and examine them. So what reason or need is there for the dialog to ever
change?
Those dialogs were revalidated about 20 times a day throughout 35 years of smoking. Is it realistic for
me to expect that those dialogs will simply fade away or disappear on their own because some 'higher'
part of my brain has decided it wants to quit? Through my smoking career, there were many times I
tried to quit. I'd decide to quit smoking. I'd decide I wanted my life back, that I wanted to improve the
'quality' of my life, that it was a filthy, smelly, costly habit and I wasn't having any more of it. So I'd flush
my cigs at midnight, look in the mirror and tell myself, "You DONT smoke!!", and pack myself off to
bed. Next morning I'd awake thinking, "Is it time to get up already? Oh , and I don't smoke." And a
small voice inside me said, "You feel the need of a 'first thing in the morning get up and get going pick
me up'. A cigarette will do the trick." And I'd reply, "But, I don't smoke." And the little voice, in a slightly
louder tone said, "Pardon me? You don't what? You feel the need to get up and get going and a
cigarette is the way to do it. So, please DO IT!" And I'd answer, "But, I DONT smoke!" And the voice
said, "It's THE way to get up and get going! It's THE ONLY way! It's ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY WAY!!"
And I'd insist that, "I DON'T SMOKE! I WON'T SMOKE!" The stronger the need to get up and get
going, the louder and more intense was the argument between me and myself. This 'argument' was
repeated
throughout a day in lots of similar forms around stress and hunger and boredom and fatigue. With
time, there were fewer and fewer arguments. However, from time to time, one would crop up and,
once again, I'd feel the uncertain fear of how the argument would turn out. 'Who' would win? Would it
be me or some inner voice of my own?
If you're wondering where I'm going with all of this, here it comes…. When we quit smoking we
experience an amazing range of changes and discomforts. While I certainly don't want to make mole
hills out of mountains, as bad as 'brain fog' and 'rollercoaster emotions' and the feeling of 'loss' can
be, it was always the inner argument that I feared the most. It was that inner struggle around how to
respond, to smoke or not to smoke, that was always where I'd lose a quit. I needed a way to become
more than just one side of an argument. I needed to find a way to do more than just desperately
repeat, "I DON'T SMOKE!" "I WON'T SMOKE!!". Behavior modification in the form of a simple 3 step,
ABC exercise was the tool that worked for me. It taught me how to offer several effective options to the
little voice that had always known "ONLY one way", and it obligated me to choose one or several of
those options. As soon as there was timely choice, the inner arguments began to disappear.
We learned to connect a cigarette to every instance of our lives. We can learn to disconnect them.
ddsteve
www.cognitivequitting.com/
time on their meters. It seems that they get urges from time to time and find this to be not only 'normal'
but also expected as the way it 'must' be. Why?? I didn't quit to live longer, in fact, there's no realistic
indication that I'll live a minute longer because I quit. I quit because I'd had enough of being enslaved,
of suffering some periodic twitch to 'do something' whether it was light up or think about lighting up.
The idea that the rest of my life would include the occasional urge was, and still is,
completely unacceptable. To me, that isn't being comfortably and successfully quit..... That's more like
just not smoking. Please believe me, I'm not passing judgement on the quality of anyone's quit. Being
nicotine free is a remarkable achievement and will bring
wonderful improvements in the quality of life..... It's just that I wonder why so many quitters think
they'll be 'addicts' all their lives? Why is it so accepted that some of us will 'always' suffer? I mean ....
Aside from the fact that we repeatedly tell ourselves, based solely on our own past experience, that
we're destined to suffer, what foundation do we have for those most fervently held beliefs? Upon what
is that "Even if I quit, I'll always...." dialog based? At the same time, why shouldn't we believe our own
inner dialogs? Weren't they correct? Weren't they ALWAYS correct when we were
smokers and got stressed and our own voice said, "A cigarette will calm you."? And did it calm us?
Yep, sure did. So was it correct? Yep, sure was. Not only was it correct, but we
revalidated it's correctness with every cig we lit up and 5-8 seconds later felt calm spread over us. (If
I've got my 'facts' straight, a hit of inhaled nicotine reaches the brain in about 5 seconds and has
spread throughout the body within about 8 seconds.)
The dialog that went, "A cig will calm Me." was accurate. We listened and never questioned that
'truth'. We reacted in the only logical way we could, or would even consider. We followed the proven
path. So, the dialog, "A cig will calm me", became THE 'standard' for any sort of stressed sensation
regardless of it's source. I wonder what other 'standard' dialogs or scripts were part of our smoking
response inventory?
Nicotine is both a sedative and a stimulant.
(http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofax/tobacco.html ) &
(http://www.med.upenn.edu/~recovery/pros/nicotine.html )
As a sedative:
1- "A hit of nicotine will calm me down." Every time we felt 'stressed' and felt the need to calm down,
we lit up in response to that 'truth', and felt calmed within 5-8 seconds. Once again, we reinforced the
truism that "A cigarette was valid". I don't think there's any difference in the experience of stress
between, "I need to calm down because my mother in law is in the next room." and "I need to calm
down because my nic level has dropped and I'm experiencing the first stages of withdrawal." Or
between, "I must calm down and not let my emotions get the best of me." and "I've just started detox
and I'm in withdrawal and my emotions are starting to bounce all over the place." Do we use the
same established dialogs in every instance? Is that were our inner struggle takes place?
2- " A cigarette will relieve my hunger." I know I often used a cig as 'a hold over' until I could get some
food. Sometimes, too often, it was a complete replacement for food. All the vitamins and
minerals....? Nah, probably not. But so what? I was staying slim ... right? OK, we can add 'food
replacement' to the list of 'standard dialogs' that I used while smoking.
As a stimulant:
3- "A hit of nicotine will perk me up." Didn't we put a cigarette together with our morning coffee as THE
'get up and go' prescription? If I wasn't saying "Boy! do I need a coffee", you can be sure I was saying,
"Boy! do I need a cigarette and a coffee". What about through my day? What about mid morning after
my first couple of coffees and the 'breakfast bagel' had been burned up? What about that dragged out
feeling that was the period before lunch?? A cig was the cure for that sag in energy! And then there
was the after lunch "Could I ever use a siesta". Again, a cig was my perfect cure .... a couple of quick
drags and I was primed to head into the afternoon race to
quitting time.
4- "I'm bored. I need a cigarette." What did boredom feel like? Did it include physical and mental
inactivity? Unstimulated physically or mentally? Shallow breathing? Maybe something that feels like the
'non-specific restless crankies'? So I'd light up and within 5-8 seconds I felt .... something. A change? A
nicotine rush? Well that's a change isn't it? Where did anyone say anything about appropriate change?
Boredom begs change and a cigarette provided it. That the 'change' lasted only a very short time was
completely beside the point. As soon as the bored feeling became too noticeable, I lit up another.
These are only 4 situation/conditions that were a normal part of my days. Yet I can see how just those
4 situations and their accompanying dialogs could account for about 3/4 of the cigs I'd smoke through
a day.... Everything from my morning wake up, to my mid morning pick me up, to the stressed phone
call, to a delayed lunch, to the rush home, to the early evening after dinner 'Ahhhh'. And through it all,
through my whole day, my own inner voice was telling me this was the accurate and most effective way
to deal with 'life'. But were those cigarette responses really accurate? Well certainly within the context
and requirements of a smoker dealing with his day, they were very accurate. The problem was that I
didn't take the effort to step
outside of that context and examine them. So what reason or need is there for the dialog to ever
change?
Those dialogs were revalidated about 20 times a day throughout 35 years of smoking. Is it realistic for
me to expect that those dialogs will simply fade away or disappear on their own because some 'higher'
part of my brain has decided it wants to quit? Through my smoking career, there were many times I
tried to quit. I'd decide to quit smoking. I'd decide I wanted my life back, that I wanted to improve the
'quality' of my life, that it was a filthy, smelly, costly habit and I wasn't having any more of it. So I'd flush
my cigs at midnight, look in the mirror and tell myself, "You DONT smoke!!", and pack myself off to
bed. Next morning I'd awake thinking, "Is it time to get up already? Oh , and I don't smoke." And a
small voice inside me said, "You feel the need of a 'first thing in the morning get up and get going pick
me up'. A cigarette will do the trick." And I'd reply, "But, I don't smoke." And the little voice, in a slightly
louder tone said, "Pardon me? You don't what? You feel the need to get up and get going and a
cigarette is the way to do it. So, please DO IT!" And I'd answer, "But, I DONT smoke!" And the voice
said, "It's THE way to get up and get going! It's THE ONLY way! It's ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY WAY!!"
And I'd insist that, "I DON'T SMOKE! I WON'T SMOKE!" The stronger the need to get up and get
going, the louder and more intense was the argument between me and myself. This 'argument' was
repeated
throughout a day in lots of similar forms around stress and hunger and boredom and fatigue. With
time, there were fewer and fewer arguments. However, from time to time, one would crop up and,
once again, I'd feel the uncertain fear of how the argument would turn out. 'Who' would win? Would it
be me or some inner voice of my own?
If you're wondering where I'm going with all of this, here it comes…. When we quit smoking we
experience an amazing range of changes and discomforts. While I certainly don't want to make mole
hills out of mountains, as bad as 'brain fog' and 'rollercoaster emotions' and the feeling of 'loss' can
be, it was always the inner argument that I feared the most. It was that inner struggle around how to
respond, to smoke or not to smoke, that was always where I'd lose a quit. I needed a way to become
more than just one side of an argument. I needed to find a way to do more than just desperately
repeat, "I DON'T SMOKE!" "I WON'T SMOKE!!". Behavior modification in the form of a simple 3 step,
ABC exercise was the tool that worked for me. It taught me how to offer several effective options to the
little voice that had always known "ONLY one way", and it obligated me to choose one or several of
those options. As soon as there was timely choice, the inner arguments began to disappear.
We learned to connect a cigarette to every instance of our lives. We can learn to disconnect them.
ddsteve
www.cognitivequitting.com/